MindBlog Archives
 March 1 - 31, 2009

Life is still good
03.31.09 - 4:21 pm (CT)
Some might be hard up to find the good in my life after the news I've had over the last few weeks, but those would only be those with NMA — Negative Mental Attitude. Not that I've ever been a negative person, but ever since asking my brother Phil what the "PMA" on his wall stood for way back — gee, he lived in Bloomingdale at the time — whenever that was, I decided that was what I wanted for myself… a Positive Mental Attitude. Sometimes it's harder than others to come up with something, anything, positive in a situation, but it's there, you just have to look really hard for it. So, I'm still looking at (and for) the bright side and, yes, life is still good.

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He's having a birthday!
03.29.09 - 9:46 pm (CT)
It's hard to believe that it's been so long, but today marks thirty-one…derful years of my oldest son Rob, so in celebration of this momentous occasion, I hereby issue A GREAT BIG MINDBLOG…

You are my sunshine! HANDILY, Mom

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Journey: From gaslighting to reality
03.27.09 - 11:58 pm (CT)
I just finished reading Danielle Steele's "Journey" and as I read it, it was dejà vu all over again. It's "a book about abuse, in its subtlest forms", the kind of subtlest forms that I not only understand, but have lived. I could identify with the main character, so much so that it could have almost been about me, but then that is probably the case with anyone who has been subjected to emotional abuse… to gaslighting. If you don't know what gaslighting means or involves, then maybe you should watch the movie — Gaslight (MGM, 1940) to get a clearer view, or you could just read the Wikipedia page on the term "gaslighting".

I have not seen the movie in years, but I do remember it well enough to know that it's one of those movies that I don't need to see again — like "What About Bob?" or "City Slickers" — because once you've lived it, you don't find it entertaining to watch it on the big screen… once was more than enough, thank you. However, I do recommend that those in similar circumstances to mine read "Journey" so they can better see themselves and maybe get the help they need to escape… to be free. There are other books that also come to mind that could be helpful and maybe sometime I'll list them here, or if you're in need sooner, then drop me a line and I'll send you the list.

I once wrote, not here, but elsewhere, that "with verbal, mental, economic, and psychological abuse there aren't any bruises that others can see, so they discount it, which is what makes it more insidious than physical abuse — since they can't see it, they assume it's not there… that you're just some crazy b----. However, there are bruises to your psyche, self-esteem, and your personhood not only from the abuse itself, but also from the disbelief of those who don't see the physical evidence, so they don't believe it ever happened. Sometimes it makes you wonder if you are crazy, which is one of the points of the abuse in the first place!" (Jeane Wade, "The Long and the Short of It", 2/2/06)

Anyway, it was kind of fortuitous that this book would be the one I picked up to read today, because just like last year at this time, I got another call and another plea today… I wasn't a CHUMP a year ago and I'm not one today. Thank you to Kathleen and all those who cared enough, I love you all.

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A new job after a visit to the oncologist schmoncologist
03.25.09 - 3:20 pm (CT)
I started a new job yesterday — it was the one I mentioned I was having a moral dilemma about, which was solved by my telling the employer the complete scoop on my medical predicament and him deciding that we'd give it a shot and see how it goes. I think it was rather stellar of him to do so, and now am determined to work very hard to make sure he doesn't regret his stellarness. And as it turned out, by the time I told him the whole scoop, there was even more in the scoop to tell him, because the results came in on an additional test that I had had done at the request of my surgeon.

Unbeknownst to me, there is a genetic test for an increased risk of breast, ovarian, and uterine cancer — it is very expensive, so they only do it when your family history indicates its necessity. Since my mother had breast cancer and (I found out last night) her mother had uterine cancer, as well as my sister's ovarian cancer and one of her daughters having uterine cancer, and then throw in a cousin with breast cancer, well, the test was definitely indicated in my case.

It was positive, which gives me an even longer description of my cancer: IDC, Stage 1, Grade 3, ER-, PR-, HER2-, BRCA1-, BRCA2+. As for what that all means, it basically means that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma that has yet to spread (or metastasize), but is more likely to, is not hormonal in nature, and is more than likely to be hereditary.

With that information in hand, it gave the oncologist (and me) a very definite course of action: a double mastectomy followed by chemotherapy and maybe radiation, then reconstruction surgery, and ending the year with a hysterectomy. So by 2010, I will be relieved of several body parts, chemically dosed, possibly irradiated, and have, what I am now referring to as, "perkies" (enough said). And all that will occur while I try to do a new job justice, so I can start the New Year with financial, physical, and psychological security… I'm not asking for much, really I'm not.

More information on breast cancer is available at:
• American Cancer Society :: Breast Cancer
• BreastCancer.org

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Tax widgetry 26 days before the Tax Man cometh
03.20.09 - 5:40 pm (CT)
I am reminded today of the dreaded Tax Man only because — lucky for me — I have finished the task of filing my 2008 tax returns. I am happy to report that my CPA at Hawtree & Associates, crunched the numbers and I don't owe any additional of my hard earned dollars in taxes and am getting a small, but nonetheless welcome, refund.

BTW, while daring to creep close to getting political, but really just plain practical, and smart to boot, please keep in mind when rejoicing over getting your refund, that the keyword there is "your", because it's YOUR money, not theirs or anyone else's. Gee, just by virtue of the word "refund", it is indicated that you have expended more money than was required, so some of it is now being returned to you.

Just a passing thought, but if you are getting a sizable refund, you might want to readjust what you are claiming on your W-4 form, because you just gave the government an interest free loan of your money. Money that had you been allowed to keep, rather than the government holding onto it for you, you could have banked and made some interest on it. Or maybe you could have even paid cash for something rather than paying interest on your credit card to finance your purchase, or, here's a novel idea, just bought something you had a hankering for.

Anyway, it's been six years since I mentioned TaxMama, but I recently ran across her widget and thought you might like to put one on your site, hence this plug for someone — Eva Rosenberg, the TaxMama — who generously gave me very good professional, financial, and personal advice way back then.

Get TaxMama's TaxQuips: Daily Tax Podcasts widget for "Tax and small business news tidbits, tips and tax loopholes, covering investment, inheritance, real estate and more from www.taxquips.com - Subscribers are welcome to submit questions." While you're there getting that widget, you might want to peruse for one of the many other great free widgets at Widgetbox, or even make one of your own.

And, as long as I'm giving out blatant and shameless plugs, for all of your accounting needs, contact: Hawtree & Associates, Certified Public Accountants, 5500 West Wilson Avenue, Monee, Illinois 60449; (708) 534-1001 — "a full service C.P.A. firm that offers bookkeeping, payroll, and tax preparation services."

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Rocking my world from the inside out
03.17.09 - 6:48 pm (CT)
Sometimes just when you think you have whatever figured out, something screws it up and you have to go back and reconnoiter the situation. That's the way it's been since I was informed that I needed to go back for a second mammogram, which I figured wasn't going to be any bigger of a deal than the times in '01 and '05 when I had to do that and then get a biopsy that ended up being benign… I figured wrong.

I had been wrangling for a new job since mid-January and things were going along slowly, but nicely for a somewhat decent position that was similar to my last one. I had the first interview about the same time as my first mammogram and then the second interview, where a solid job offer with a contract was made, pretty much coincided with the second mammogram. Since what was discussed earlier was not what ended up on paper, I took a few days to consider my options and then setup a meeting to rework the contract — that meeting just happened to be scheduled for the day after the biopsy.

The call saying they had re-done the contract as discussed finally came after I received my malignant results, which puts everything in a quandary, a moral quandary. I let them know I had a (subsequent) surgery coming up with a number of follow-up visits afterwards, and asked if they would consider doing part-time until I could go full-time. However, this is where the moral quandary comes in, how much information am I morally obligated to tell them? I've always operated on a need-to-know basis, usually figuring that if they needed to know, they'd ask, but they didn't ask for more.

Besides that bit of morality seeping into what should have been a simple job offer and acceptance, there is still the question, which again is probably a moral one; how much productive time will I realistically be able to give them? It's an office manager position that the job description implies keeping a careful eye on the Profit and Loss of the business, so can I do the job justice and justify the expense of hiring me? I have two days to reconnoiter on both questions, to solve my moral dilemmas, if indeed either is one, before I have to pony up to the bargaining table with pen in hand to sign a contract… gee, what to do when your world is being rocked from the inside out?

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Saving time with acronyms, and bugging my sister by using them
03.16.09 - 2:28 pm (CT)
I like using acronyms as a shorthand for frequently used phrases and when I use them here, I give the user a way to find out what they mean by adding a title tag or a bit of JavaScript to open an explanatory text box when it's moused over. You wouldn't think that it would bother a computer whiz kid (and former executive secretary who knows real shorthand) like my sister Deb (of HelpQuest.com, HelpQuest.net, and HelpQuestDomains.com), but it does. As soon as I use one, she is all over me about how irritating (and maybe inconsiderate) it is of me to do so when I could almost just as easily spit or type out the whole phrase.

Well, I now have the solution to what I consider to be her problem, it's Acronym Finder where they have "a searchable database of over 4 million acronyms, abbreviations and meanings" covering "common acronyms, computers, science, technology, government, telecommunications, and military acronyms". Heck, she can even add the gadget to her iGoogle page for better access in time of need to decipher exactly what I am referring to. Or, better yet, she can pick from a number of other quick(er) acronym access modes on the Tools page at Acronym Finder, one of which may be more to her liking… TYGTYHITYA.

HAND to the many, and HANDILY to the few.

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Brain sharing
03.12.09 - 10:36 am (CT)
Sometimes I know what I'm going to do, but don't necessarily know what I'm doing, I fumble and stumble along deciding this and that and then just hope for the best as I traipse through life. It helps to have some smarts and common sense, at least that way I can be somewhat assured of making a reasonably decent decision — it may not be the right one, but at least it's probably not a stupid one that makes no sense at all.

However, I know my limitations, so when in doubt, I double check my thinking process by running it by others who may know more than I do about a particular subject or whose opinions I value. I can't know everything and neither does anyone else, so on occasion I will do some group consulting, a kind of shared brain trust, if you will.

If all else fails, then I fall back to relying on the tried-and-true common sense and common decency to make decisions that have to be made… it's worked pretty well for me so far.

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1, 2, 3… 56
03.11.09 - 1:13 pm (CT)
A GREAT BIG MINDBLOG…

It's a spectacular day for me to have my cake and eat it, too… yellow with white buttercream frosting, thank you very much.

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91
03.10.09 - 2:38 pm (CT)
A fedora, a stogey, and 91.

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Diagnosis: Cancer. Prognosis: Pretty good
03.09.09 - 10:18 pm (CT)
Six days before my 56th birthday I walked out of my surgeon's office with the results from the biopsy I had had eight days before that… they had found cancer. Some might think that would be the end of anyone's world, but it's not the end of mine, because that's not the way I've always viewed things. And I'll be darned if I'll let anything change me into something that I've never been — I've always been a glass-half-full person and, just like always, I'll keep looking for some kind of bright side to whatever happens.

The cancer they found is already gone, as it went with the biopsy, but there's still some clean-up surgery and follow-up to do, which is why I had some more tests this week. I'll probably meet with the surgeon a couple of more times and then by the end of the month I will have mulled over, pondered, and kibitzed till I have come to my decision about what to do about it. I have a few options to choose from, none of which are thrilling, but at least one of which is necessary, so I'll take my best-educated choice and go with it.

As for the glass-half-full part of all of this, well, for right now anyway, the 5-year survival rate is 100%, so hey, I'm still planning on that party in Tahiti.

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Another fave author, Lynn Austin
03.03.09 - 3:29 pm (CT)
I'm adding another author to my list of fave authors and that would be Lynn Austin, who writes thought-provoking Christian Fiction, where Christian themes are woven through unusual historical and inspirational plotlines, with a little mystery and intrigue thrown in for good measure. So far I've read three of her novels, but it is this last one, "Wings of Refuge" (Lynn Austin, 2000, Bethany House Publishers) that convinced me that I should pass on this passing thought.

"Wings of Refuge" is a story set in Israel in the late 1st and 20th centuries, where what is happening now is interwoven with what happened then. It's about three women — then and now — whose stories intertwine in their need to find refuge under the wings of God's mercy and grace. They all have had bitter devastations in their lives and find salvation through forgiveness of those that have caused their bitterness. It shows that some things are timeless…

"May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." Holy Bible, Ruth 2:12 (NIV)

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Looking at the bright side of March
03.01.09 - 3:26 pm (CT)
March is a transitional month, a month where, even though Winter is still hanging out, Spring is in the air, which means with no effort on my part, I get a change of scenery. I not only get to enjoy the last blast of Winter, but also the first rites of Spring, and I get to experience that change of seasonal extremes while celebrating another year in my life.

Yes, my life is definitely a glass-half-full of the wonders of life's changes — from the changes of the seasons to the changes in our lives — life is good.

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